Am I a stalker?

Dear Advice Girl,

What do I do to stop girls from seeing me as a stalker? And how do I know if what I am doing is really considered stalking?

Signed,
   Kurt

Dear Kurt,

It’s not as cut and dry as all that. One girl’s stalker is another girl’s adorably-shy-guy-who-hangs-around-her-locker-after-school.

What’s the difference? Well, if she thinks you’re hot, she’s probably okay with it. (Sad but true.) But even if she does like you, if you come off as too creepy you’ll ruin your chances.

So does that girl you’re crushing on think you’re a stalker? If three or more of these are true, she probably does:

• You call her more than she calls you. (Sometimes you leave a second message before she even responds to the first one.)
• You send her all sorts of invites and messages on MySpace, Facebook and eSPIN but don’t get any back.
• You talk about her with your friends enough that it’s probably getting back to her.
• Instead of talking to her in a jokey and friendly way, you’re all serious and intense.
• You’ll go to out-of the way places, like her block or the store she works at, just to see her.
• She gives you total leave-me-alone vibes (like walking away or ignoring you), but you don’t change your behavior.
• Finally, if you just kinda feel like a stalker, then you probably are.

(And, um, if you’re doing anything illegal – like trespassing, or hacking into her online accounts – then you’re definitely a stalker, and you’d better cut it out before you get in trouble.)

If you think you're a stalker, then drop the bad behavior right away. Spend more time with your friends and less time thinking about you-know-who. You’ll have a better chance with girls once you learn how to play it cool.