Am I in love?

Dear Advice Girl,

I need to know if I’m in love, coz when I see him I go all weak and I feel sick when he’s not around. I can’t eat properly, I cry a lot when I don’t see him. When we split up before, it felt like someone had been squeezing my heart and would not let go. Please, can you tell me?

Signed,
   Vicki

Dear Vicki,

I’m not a doctor, but it sure sounds like you have a bad case of the stomach flu. Put on your PJ’s and heat up some chicken soup.

If that doesn't make you feel any better, then you probably just have an unrequited crush. In which case, do the opposite of what I just said.

Get out of bed. Go outside and see your friends and get your mind off of him. He’s got a dangerous hold on your emotions, and if you don’t snap out of it, you’re destined to be sad and achy for a long time to come.

(BTW, notice how I said “crush” instead of “love.” A crush is, you know...crushing. It usually hurts and makes you feel angsty and bad about yourself. Love involves a little more input from the other person.)